Friday, April 6, 2012

DECEPTION AT SUNRISE

Madison's prompt for this week's flash fiction gave me the chills.  Everyone has a dark side. Today I let mine come out to play.

I’m under here.  Can you hear my cries?
Dead.  Murdered.
“Meet me at daybreak,” he said.
Tall.  Dark. Handsome.  I ran away to be with him. To live happier ever after.
But no.
In the dim light of early dawn he held me, not wrapped in his loving arms but under the water instead.
Doomed for eternity to watch the sun rays weave through the trees and spread across the forest floor like warm butter.
I hate butter.
I hate sunrise.  

22 comments:

  1. I like the flow of your prose. Nicely dark, reminds me of The Corpse Bride in a way. I did smile at the last 2 line though. I thought they were a nice touch. Great job.
    http://ajaroffireflies.blogspot.com/2012/04/theimportanceofmanners.html

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    1. I've never seen The Corpse Bride, maybe I should watch it. I have no idea where the last two lines came from. I was wondering how I could end the story and those two lines kept coming back to me over and over. What the heck? I typed them.
      Thanks for your comment and for reading.

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  2. Ooooooh, Wonderfully wicked! Loved it!

    Mine: www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

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    1. Wonderfully wicked! I like that.

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  3. More dark deeds down at the river. The story flowed well, and the truculence of the narrator contrasted nicely with the dreadfulness of the deed. Nice work.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/reaching-a-conclusion-friday-fictioneers-april-2012/

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    1. Sandra, thanks for the compliment but I had to look truculence up in the dictionary. (kidding)
      Thank you for reading.

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  4. Yikes! Creepy and scary with two short, clever, closing lines. The narrator's POV was well done. Oh, if only the dead could rise and take revenge. Here's mine...not so creepy. www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

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    1. Lora,
      I did read yours and was touched. Good job.
      I have many sides and the creepy, scary one wanted to play last night.
      Thanks for reading and your comments.

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  5. Good one, Ruthie! Love it. Reminds me of an old bluegrass song, but I can't think of the name of it. Of course, the melody is going to be stuck in my head all day now. Thanks a lot! :-)

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    1. Please remember the song, I would like to hear it. Will you sing it?

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  6. I loved it. Very palpable emotions of betrayal. This would actually make an interesting companion piece to mine. ;)

    http://www.wakefieldmahon.com/1/post/2012/04/down-by-the-river-friday-fictioneers1.html

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    1. I did read yours and it sounds like a continuation of mine. We could join them up and make a longer story. One with your pov and the other with mine. Just goes to show you, great minds think alike. Scary, ain't it?

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    2. Wow, Ruth. You did a terrific job with such a short flash piece. People don't realize how hard they are. You said tons with just a few short words. Glad your dark side decided to come out and play.

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    3. Thanks, Lou. I'm thinking on letting the dark side play more. I've gotten very good comments on it.

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  7. I agree with all of the above. A drole take on a murder ballade from the side of the murdered this time - and your ending was especially clever in its spite. Good job,

    lindaura: http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Linda. The murdered very rarely get a chance to speak.

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  8. Wow, Dixie! I love seeing new, even sinister sides of my friends! This voice was haunting and sad, the story, dark. I really liked: "To live happier ever after." And I LOVED the last two lines!

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    1. Jan, the last two lines are an excellent example of how to let yourself go and write. I didn't intend on using those lines. I thought, "this is dumb." BUT the words kept coming back to me so I let go and wrote. I've gotten such postive fed back on them. See what happens when you trust and not think?

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    2. You're absolutely right, Ruth. I've been preaching about the Perils of Heavy Thinking and you're the only one who has seen the light!

      It makes me want to give you a big ol' hug :)

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