TO THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT

Dear, Old Man Winter:

           You are pissing me off! 

           I can put up with cold.  I can deal with darkness falling at 6:00 at night.   I can even handle the gray, gloomy countryside with naked trees shivering in the wind.  But this snow and ice is bull.    

I’ve tried to understand.   Maybe you don’t know that not only can’t I skate on ice, I can’t drive on it either.  That trash bags belong in the dumpster and not stacked up in my utility room.  Water pipes freeze and bust at below zero.  Gas and electric heat costs money.  That the all-mighty buck rules the human world therefore we are expected to be at work even if hell freezes over which, by the way, is pretty close to happening.

What’s the deal?  Are you feeling depressed, irritable, mis-understood?  Lonely?  Is that why you’re acting out and dumping your wrath on us?   Hmm . . . my heart bleeds for you.  Take a chill pill. Get over it.   Shit happens.

I think it’s only fair to warn you, I’ve had it and am calling in the big dogs.  I am doing a sun dance today.  If you don’t want to be hurt, get out-of-town.  Go North.  To Alaska.  Eskimos like snow and ice.  They build homes out of it.  You’ll be welcomed there.

Let the sun shine in!   Beaches.  Sun.  Mango margaritas.

Sincerely,

Summer chic in Arkansas